sloth is my mortal sin?

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz


got inspired to take this quiz by sammie's blog. when i saw the results, i was like WTF?

lust= VERY LOW?
sloth= MY MORTAL SIN?

i never expected this result. hehe.

i am a naughty gal. i think about dirty stuff. i do think about sex. but i'm still a virgin, mind you.

and my lust is considered very low. hmmm..

yes, i'm very lazy. i have to admit that.

hehe.

anyway, say hello to web page design.

-mel-

screwed up.

yeah, you screwed up. BIG TIME.

forgotten.

its amazing to know how fast people tend to forget that you are there for them. that you are not invisible.

yeah, i admit i am a bit secluded at times and don't talk much, but hey, when you talk i listen.

i might be quiet but my ears are doing their work, ya know.

im not uncaring. when you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, im always here.

when you need someone to crap together with, im always here.

i might not look as hot as you or as slim as you.
i might not be as sporting and cheerful as you.
still..
im not invisible..
im still alive..
and im here for you.

just another emo post. heh.

random crap.

1. i'm a big fan of Team Fortress 2 but i cant run that game. ><
2. i like DJ Tiesto. I like Benny Benassi. i'm a dance/trance/techno freak.
3. i like artic monkeys, good charlotte, linkin park. because they rock HARD.
4. im a gamer. yes, it's very rare to find female gamers who play FPS. no, im not embarassed with discussing gaming stuff with male gamers.
5. i like deviantART because they produce good art.
6. i have two mp3 players; Sony and Samsung. Sony, meet Samsung. Samsung, meet Sony. Sony, i gt Samsung for free. Samsung, i got Sony as my birthday present. Now, both of you don't fight each other ok?
7.i have already played half life 2 trilogies, medal of honour: airborne.. and so much more..
8. i have stinking assignments to do. sick of them. really.
9. facebook is nice to play but too complicated.><
10.some people have thick skin. really thick skin.
11. women have three layers of skin, men have seven layers of skin, how about u?
kk, gtg 4 class nw.

-mel-

it's time to let go.

i have decided. it's time to let go of him.

i can no longer stay in a relationship where all that is left is just hurt and betrayal.

i cant afford to hurt him again. even if we do patch things up together again, it will be still the same. both parties aren't satisfied with each other no matter how much we try to please each other.

maybe we are just not compatible. maybe we are not fated to be together.

i do know that we had done lots of things together and imagined having a life together. however, sometimes we just have to know when to let go for the benefit of both.

i love you but i can't let you suffer being with me.

hopefully you will find a better girl that suits you best.

I'm sorry for everything that i had done.

and thks fr the mmrs.

i will always cherish those memories.

and i will always remember that you were the guy whom i had loved the most in my life.

-mel-

advice.

this morning, i asked my dad a question.

"it's not good to blame yourself for everything right?"

his answer?

"you're having another relationship problem huh?"

smart daddy.

he told me that obviously it's not good because you are being overly critical about yourself. and this will cause your confidence level to go down, which spells DISASTER.

so, what should i do then?

his answer?

"change what you can, and if that's not satisfactory enough, just let it be. make sure your opinion about yourself never changes no matter what."

well...

currently, im still struggling to rip off my emo "hood" that has dampened my spirits since God knows when.

it will take time.

but how long?

-today the sunlight has parted the gloomy clouds in the sky. the sky looks clear yet not clear enough.
then, i realized that there is still some hope in me left.-

-mel-

random.

my smiles feel fake today.

the reason?

to hide my misery.

am i depressed?

i dunno.

im always blaming myself for everything.

im losing my confidence.

the words "sad, miserable, guilty, depressed" are my mantras these days.

maybe im feeling this due to yesterday's argument.

maybe my period is coming.

i dunno.

life has just gone bitter for me these days.

today, i realized the the sky is gloomy.
just like me.

-mel-

my heart cries.

なぜ？
i think guilt will claim my sanity before illness does.

i feel unfair to him.

私は未熟すぎますか？

characteristics of someone.

GEMINI - Irresistible(the Twins - 21 May 21 June)* Nice.* Love is one of a kind.* Great listener.* Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out.* Trustworthy.* Always happy.* Loud.* Talkative.* Loves being in long relationships.* Not one to mess with.* Freak.* Outgoing.* VERY Forgiving.* Loves to make friends.* Has a beautiful smile.* Generous.* Strong.* The Irresistible one.

today, i'll be describing about someone i know very much.

he has become a part in my life and seperating him from me is like seperating my jantung from my body. imagine the amount of blood gushing out when that happens... yucks... (>_<")

now, let me describe you his characteristics with the help of the "guidelines" above..

NICE
he is VERY nice. it's like he's made of sugar, spice and everything nice. he cares for his loved ones up to the max. if someone he loves has a dizzy spell or something like that, he'll ask that person to take medicine, see doctor, go for general checkup yadda yadda yadda... still, he has a very big heart and that's one of his qualities that makes him so special.

LOVE IS ONE OF A KIND
his love is TRUE. PURE. UNTAINTED. it's very rare to find this type of love in most guys of his age. these days it's easy to find guys who loves you only for your body, money etc, but it's extremely hard to find guys who loves you for the way you are. i respect him and i cherish him for this pure love that he has for me.

GREAT LISTENER
he might look quiet at times, but believe me, he listens to you. and he's great at doing that. i find this quality a comfort to me because i'm that kind of person who can't express myself well you see. when he listens to me pouring my heart out, i really feel relieved. even painkillers can't cure my heart's misery as much as this...

LOVER, NOT A FIGHTER, BUT STILL KNOCK YOU OUT
with those killer eyes, a cheeky smile, and a VERY cheeky laugh, i was literally knocked out of my feet by him. haha, seriously. one thing he likes to do when i'm around him: play with my cheeks. ^^

TRUSTWORTHY
he knows my darkest secret and i trust him for keeping it. he had seen me broke down, he had seen how much my family suffered. he's a great secret-keeper. even his own friends told me how trustworthy he is. to this quality, i salute him.

ALWAYS HAPPY
he looks happy always, and that made him a likeable person. however, he also faces dilemmas, problems, just like us. i listened to him as he vent his feelings about the problems he faced, and i know it's not easy for him to look happy outside but feel sad inside. if he doesn't have many problems, i can assure you he'll be glowing with happiness, inside out.

LOUD
yes, i agree, he can be loud, especially when he's with his friends. like any normal person will do, he will enjoy himself, laugh and talk and laugh and talk. sometimes, he laughs very loud until i can hear him from a distance. and, by watching him enjoy himself, i feel happy too.

TALKATIVE
don't be surprised if he reveals this quality to you. he can be very very talkative when he wants to. whether through phone or face to face, he has the ability to talk and talk and talk. a good companion for a talkative person like me.

LOVES BEING IN LONG RELATIONSHIPS
the proof? we are together for a year already, and it's pretty long. furthermore, he talks about our future together, and i can see the sincerity in his eyes when he talks about that.

NOT ONE TO MESS WITH
yes, treat the title above as a precaution. once you touch his nerve, it's so long for yah. hell hath no fury like him scorned!!

FREAK? NAH... HIS OBSESSIONS TO BE PRECISE..
he has a very soft spot for children. a rare quality. and he's crazy over chubby cheeks. one of his idols is vijay.. you should had seen how excited he was when he watched his idol's movie..^^... his favourite football team is MU, fav player is rooney. his fav car is proton wira special edition, maroon in colour and belongs to his cousin brother. trisha is his fav actress. he loves his nephew very much. he likes straight, medium long hair. AND he loves to play with my cheeks.

OUTGOING
he is averagely outgoing. he does go out and lepak with his friends, and if he had the slightest chance to go out instead of stoning at home, he'll take it 1oo%.

VERY FORGIVING
may God bless him for having this quality. i had done countless of mistakes, i had hurt him so much, and yet he still forgives me and asks me to move on and learn from my mistakes. yet, when i promise him that i'll change, i always break that promise. i really thank God for having such a wonderful person by my side and im really grateful.

LOVES TO MAKE FRIENDS
yes, he likes making friends, and with his likeable character, it's easy for him to find friends everywhere. a sociable guy. well, he can adapt to a new environment better than me i think. i'm pretty introverted at times.

HAS A BEAUTIFUL SMILE
i 100% agree with that. it's hard to resist that cheeky, boyish smile of his. his smile makes him look younger than his age, and that's a good thin. like my mum said, he will always look young.

GENEROUS
he's generous with everything. care, love, time etc. a man with a big heart.

STRONG
he's strong in his love. very strong, and i know it deep in my heart. he's also strong when he faces many challenges and problems. he face it eventhough it's hard for him. and i'll be by his side always to support him all the way.

and finally, THE IRRESISTIBLE ONE
who can ever resist his charming smile and his big heart?

that's all for this post. hope u enjoy it yeah. *wink wink*

accounts, chicken chop and pancake.

cant find the connection between those three things? let me tell you a story... oh no, i'm becoming like abel (>.<)

today i was supposed to attend my english replacement class at 9am. however, since i bergayut at the phone until 1am and i had 2 get up at 6am if i'm attending the class (transport.... T.T), so i didnt have enough sleep and i barely could get up from my bed. so, this was the conversation between me n my dad at 6am when he woke me up...

dad: wad tym is ur clas 2day?

me: *****..... errrmmm.... 9... am... lo.....

dad: den u have 2 follow me out.which is like 7am....

me:....huh... den, i dun go lo.... english class ony wad....

dad: up to u, but will be your points get deducted?

me:.... no la..... zzzzzz.....

dad: ok la.

END OF CONVERSATION

wau.... wow.... my dad was so open for once.

so, i went to U at 9 sumthing, and i purposely waited till 10 sumthin before i had my real breakfast at M n M's.

while waiting, i did my accounts. and while i waited for the food, i also did accounts.

as i was "basking" in a flurry of depreciation whatsoever formula, my orders came.

pancake and chicken chop.

if you had seen the huge size of the chicken chop, you'll be amazed...

and for the first time, i regretted being so greedy.

anyways, after much effort of consuming it, the two stuffs vanished, thanks to my classmates' help... thank you, thank you, thank you!

and... of course i felt like a pregnant lady with twins.

oh dear.

so... the conclusion is...

only order one dish, NOT TWO..

unless the dishes are tiny... hehehehe....

pemotongan stim.

i called him just now to at least have a teeny weeny chat with him.

i know that my bills will burn a big hole in my dad's pocket.

still, i prefer to listen to his voice.

unfortunately, what i got was a sombre 'hello' and 'why did you called?'.

i told, 'i miss you'.

he said, 'you must understand the situation.'

then, it was my turn to grab the throne as the emo queen.

i said, 'oh ok. bye.'

-line disconnects-

now, i don't know whether to message him first or wait for him to message me.

chances are, the latter choice will never work.

so, maybe i should give him a message.

however....

he sounded moody, sombre, emo-istic....

should i tread the unstable path and risk it all OR should i just 'buat bodoh'?

haihz, dilemma.

i don't wanna argue anymore.

i'm sick of arguing.

i feel that i'm making the mistakes everytime.

and....

it's killing me softly....

why....

useless.

yesterday had a huge argument with him.

seems that my attitude of giving different answers to hide the hurtful truth had pissed him off.

"Y la yyyyyyyyyyy?"..

that was a sure sign of frustration.

you see, i'm that kind of girl who doesnt wanna hurt people and because of that i had landed into troubles like THIS.

at times i feel so useless.

today, because of lack of sleep n minor depression, i felt like a walking zombie.

haihz.

irritated

see this pic?

datz wad i feel like doing onto some STUPID guy on messenger. now, lets name that bastard Mr.X. It all happened on a sunny afternoon when suddenly X sent me a msg.

X: hi

Melanie: hello

X: u have bf?

Melanie: yah

Melanie: y?

X: how old is ur bf?

Melanie: 20

X: how old r u?

Melanie: 17

X: ur bf so old

X: u break up wif him la

Melanie: wad the f***?

X: he's too old 4 u

Melanie: so, wads wrong wif that?

X: not nice la

X: u break up wif him, i can introduce a nice guy 4 u

Melanie: i decide my life NOT u

Melanie: who u tink u r to order me around?

So, i blocked him. dumb fler, gt nuthin else to do except f***ing around.

haha.

to add fuel in2 my irritation, i havent completed my arts yet. and i havent completed my studying 4 comp studies.

haihz.

so crappy.

what you never know

what you never know wont hurt u

what you never know wont lie

what you never know wont desert u

what you never know will make you cry...

( Sarah Brightman - What You Never Know)

beautiful song. seriously.
damn bloody meaningful. so heart-wrenching.

songs. they could really change your life.

anyway, time to stop CRAPPING and start describing my day. today, as usual, i had tons of homework to complete in a very limited amount of time. and my temper was tested during arts class. we had to describe our team proposal for the next project, however none did that and our "lovely" tutor looked furious. so, my friend, grace came to the rescue. she talked about creating an art gallery to present our artworks, and it sounded fun. then, it was my turn to talk. i was nervous because i duno what to say since i didnt prepare anything at all.

then, it happened.

for the first time, i crapped like hell, and it turned out well.

hahahahahahahah!

i talked about collaberating with other classes to create a huge art gallery and combining our manpower to create a magnificent artwork.

talk about being "creative". haha.

anyway, push that aside in the meantime. i have a SHITLOAD of studying to do.



-i wish i could be free to love-
melanie

i finished my 5 mins speech!!!

yah, finally i did it. i finished my 5 mins speech. and i didnt manage 2 complete everything in time. shit. still, was worth my effort la, got satisfactory marks for it. the downside is dat i had 2 dress up and put makeup on like im goin 2 work and itz irritating.

had to join this chinese dance thingy, so now gotta find a group. ne1 wanna join, hehe...?

planning to get a blazer and pants for the 10 mins speech. my frens recommended G2000. have to go there 1 day la.

neway, im so shitting confused with my love life.

why it alwiz have to end up like this?

wad 2 do nw..?

haihz. yesterday i drank. the alcoholic value of dat drink is only 6.6%. but still i got drunk. my face was red and i was laughing my head off. and it happened in my room. thank goodness i locked my door. im a loser in drinking.

btw, moussandra is damn nice. itz a greek restaurant and heck, the atmosphere is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. hopefully it isnt too pricey. haha.

now, i seriously dunno wad to do. im leaving my arts tutorial with my friend to help me complete it. might try to shade it myself though, itz fun.

haihz, so many assignments, so little time..

a shitting tiring day

while i'm typing this blog, i'm cracking my head about my computer studies tutorial and at the same tym smsing. talk about multi-tasking indeed. btw, 2day i had seen 2 hilariously DUMB video clips in Youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56HRGSvbpsE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0RH0cYs4lw
be prepared to laugh your head off 1ce u watch these clips ayt. :P

lets see. 2day during english tutorial, miss sharmini asked us to interview our classmates, and it was bloody funny. we managed to dig out secrets that we never expected. apparently, in our class, we have two condom collectors, ahahaha. classic, very classic.

what i ate 2day? during lunch break, i went to sri paandi's restaurant to have indian food. yum. in the end, i was so bloody stuffed, i looked like a pregnant woman 4 3 months. hehe.

anyway, i'l try to update this blog as frequent as possible. gtg nw.

-melanie a.k.a melly-

sleep, where r u now?

sleepy, i'm so sleepy,
i wanna sleep d whole day on my own, ahhhh....

now, i cant sleep thanks to a 2 hour nap.

now, i regret taking a nap this long, because now i couldn't sleep.

sleep, pleeez come back to me.

they say sleep is effective for those who want to lose weight,

it's actually true, because if you dun have enough sleep, you will eat more.

dats wad's happening to me now.

these days im eating like a PIG. i really feel very guilty now. haihz.

btw, what do you feel if you fall in love with two guys at the same time? datz wad my friend asked me.

obviously you will feel like you're living in hell worse than hell itself. true?

haihz. then, what about forbidden love? she asked that. you are in love with someone whom you shoudnt be liking or loving at all.

now, that is a hard question. post your comments about this question ayt.

-melanie-

a life in UTAR..

every morning i'l hv 2 get up super early just to go 2 university. can't help it bcoz got no transport. haihz. den, i'l sit in the lecture hall or tutorial room to listen superbly boring facts and figures blah blah blah. dey give us homeworks and assignments and then class is dismissed.

this is university life huh?

currently i'm in the university computer lab, typing this blog while freezing my ass off. it has been four hours since my last class and i still have to wait for another an hour and half for my dad to fetch me.

so, what to do in the next 1 hour and 30 minutes?

sit in the pc lab, freezing to death?

go in2 the library and read some books lyk a zombie?

or just sit down at the steps leading to the 1st floor like a stone?

thank goodness, i dun hv 2 pick all those choices bcoz my frens are with me, haha!

i have no regrets in choosing the foundation in arts course in UTAR. i had loads of fun and laughter which i would never experience in my former secondary school. i finally found my newfound confidence that has been lost to me for such a long time.

thank u UTAR!

-melanie-

a simple blog.

When i browse other people's blogs, i was surprised to see how decorative they are.

CSS. Pictures. Video clips.

Suddenly, i realised that my blog is ABSURDLY simple.

No CSS.

No animation.

No video clips.

How outdated i am. :p

I cant help it, since i'm a newbie in this blogging hobby. I mean, i can't learn everything in a single day.

After all, i'm a normal human being. haha..

If i have the chance to wield a superpower, i would choose the ability to fly..... and touch the sky.

Ahh, just imagine the freedom of flight. Free as a bird, away from everyday problems.

Sounds tempting eh?

I wish i could have angel's wings. They really look majestic and pure at the same time.

Oh well, these are just simple daydreams that's impossible to achieve.

haha!

-melanie-

after 2 years.....

finally.

managed 2 kick out my lazy habits n started blogging back again.

haha.

now, i'm a university student, studying in a local U.

anyways, i'm so much slimmer compared 2 last time, thanks to the slimming course and super strict diets.

yay.

well, still had dat nagging insecure feeling when it comes to communicating with people from my race, thanks to my weakness in mandarin, but still hanging on. life has to go on no matter how tough it is.

seriously.

had a tough time earlier this year when a family member fell sick. terrible experience. yet, i managed to survive the whole ordeal and kept my sanity.

now, i'm just making new friends day by day while adjusting myself to campus life. haha.

hopefully they see me as who i am and dont judge me based on my looks or language etc.

because.
i.
am.
me.

-melanie-